it's funny to me how many times i have started to make plans to go some where to do something and they just fell apart. not in an overly dramatic way, they just didn't work. i get to a point where i think i have waited an appropriate amount of time and i can start moving forward with my life. i would like to note here that generally this means i am tired of whatever is or is not going on in my life and i feel i need to make a change in order to be following God.
but often those plans are the exact ones that fall apart because i've taken the weight of my life in to my own arms and have figured that i can hold it on my own for a while.
And i can... sort of. it's like when we go to Costco and and buy dog food in the 50 lbs bags. i can carry the bag from the van to the house all the way back to where the dog food area is but i really can't do any thing else. all my focus and effort is in getting the dog food from one point to another. and my arms are completely full, i have to cary the bag like i'm giving it a bear hug which means i couldn't try to give some one a real hug if they needed it. i am so focused, in fact sometimes when i am coming through the house if there are people in my way i will tell, not ask, them to get out of my way.
now i'm sure we are all seeing the correlations between taking control of my life and me trekking around with the huge bag of dog food. but i've noticed that it's easier to put down a bag of dog food than to give back my life to God.
i am thinking about this now because aaron and i are trying to figure out what/ where is going on after we are married. i don't want to take control again i want to follow both aaron and God in this. and i am trying very hard to make sure that i don't pick it up again, cause as heavy as that bag of dog food is it's even more straining to carry the direction and path of your life in your arms.
